The Quad
Sophomore
Posts: 137
Reg: 12-16-04
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01-10-18 02:11 PM - Post#242866
A Day in the Life of Stat2sf’s Household (A Fictional Play)
Stat2sf’s Child: Dad, can you come see me play on my basketball team tonight? It’s our big rivalry game.
Stat2sf: No, not really. Based on last year’s statistics, your team can’t improve that much. Your team stinks.
Stat2sf’s Child: But Dad, we’ve been practicing hard and we have new plays set up. I think we have a shot at winning.
Stat2sf: Your team’s Kenpom ratings are only a little bit above last year’s. Not worth my time.
Stat2sf’s Child: But Dad, I worked out every day during the off-season. I think you’ll be proud of me.
Stat2sf: Sorry kid, I checked your ORATs, very little improvement. Your DRAT’s are even worse. I’m not going to go.
Stat2sf’s Child: We’re playing a good team, but we can do well.
Stat2f: If you win it’s only because the other team sucks
Stat2sf’s Child: Dad, it’s always this statistic or that obscure reason. You’re online so much---maybe if you practiced with me more, that would help. When was the last time you even attended one of my games?
Stat2sf: I last attended a game in college before we had advanced statistics. If I had known then what I know now, I probably would never have gone to a single game.
Stat2sf’s Child: So you’ll only be impressed and come see us if we are the best team in the league, rated high statistically and beat a league team that’s better than we are---I don’t have an Ivy League education, but that sounds tough to do.
Stat2sf: That sounds about right.
Stat2sf’s Child: But Dad, so many parents of my teammates are going to come cheer us on. Isn’t it fun seeing us play, win or lose?
Stat2sf: No, Not really. Your team efficiency is only minimally improved, total possessions per game and points per possessions are lower. It’s probably going to be boring. I’ll tell the other parents it’s not even worth their time. If I repeat it enough times, maybe no one will go and then I won’t feel guilty about never attending.
[Some time later]
Stat2sf’s Spouse: There’s a tall guy at the door wearing a Penn cap; looks to be in his late 20’s. He didn’t give his full name, but his first name sounds like Bob. Says he wants to talk to you about stats and efficiency; says he was injured in school for years but persevered and worked and rehabbed so he could play. Even though you slammed into him and publicly cyberbullied him relentlessly based on his stats and your belief that you can trash college kids, even when he was not being paid and was just simply a student at your school, he enjoys your passion and doesn’t hold a grudge. And I heard he did great his senior year. Just wants to talk to you about your child, statistics, being a fan and cheering for games. Oh, and the dude’s got an impressive beard.
Stat2sf goes to his closet and puts on his Halloween mask, of course, a troll. He ignores the crimson shirt and the blue sweatshirt, but instead finds his black shirt with the orange stripes, and sneaks out the back door.
The End
Please note: any resemblance to real life people is purely a statistical anomaly.
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yoyo
Senior
Posts: 365
Reg: 03-25-09
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01-10-18 02:44 PM - Post#242876
In response to The Quad
A+
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penn nation
Professor
Posts: 21193
Reg: 12-02-04
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01-10-18 02:59 PM - Post#242877
In response to yoyo
Has anyone ever seen The Quad and Silver Maple at the same time?
Asking for a friend.
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Jeff2sf
Postdoc
Posts: 4466
Reg: 11-22-04
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01-10-18 03:08 PM - Post#242878
In response to penn nation
You know, the anti intellectualism that continues to exist on this board is tiresome but whatever.
What's actually insulting is the idea that i don't go/watch games. Analytics people love watching games, it's the whole point of being interested in the stats.
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PennFan10
Postdoc
Posts: 3585
Reg: 02-15-15
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Re: all that happened (the play)
01-10-18 03:42 PM - Post#242884
In response to The Quad
Awesome, and you got a reply! Even awesomer...(I learned me some language as an inglish major at Penn.)
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Penndemonium
PhD Student
Posts: 1899
Reg: 11-29-04
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Re: all that happened (the play)
01-10-18 03:56 PM - Post#242891
In response to The Quad
While I generally don't enjoy posts where we are singling out each other, this was at least witty. It also could be the post of the year given the originality and effort.
A Day in the Life of Stat2sf’s Household (A Fictional Play)
Stat2sf’s Child: Dad, can you come see me play on my basketball team tonight? It’s our big rivalry game.
Stat2sf: No, not really. Based on last year’s statistics, your team can’t improve that much. Your team stinks.
Stat2sf’s Child: But Dad, we’ve been practicing hard and we have new plays set up. I think we have a shot at winning.
Stat2sf: Your team’s Kenpom ratings are only a little bit above last year’s. Not worth my time.
Stat2sf’s Child: But Dad, I worked out every day during the off-season. I think you’ll be proud of me.
Stat2sf: Sorry kid, I checked your ORATs, very little improvement. Your DRAT’s are even worse. I’m not going to go.
Stat2sf’s Child: We’re playing a good team, but we can do well.
Stat2f: If you win it’s only because the other team sucks
Stat2sf’s Child: Dad, it’s always this statistic or that obscure reason. You’re online so much---maybe if you practiced with me more, that would help. When was the last time you even attended one of my games?
Stat2sf: I last attended a game in college before we had advanced statistics. If I had known then what I know now, I probably would never have gone to a single game.
Stat2sf’s Child: So you’ll only be impressed and come see us if we are the best team in the league, rated high statistically and beat a league team that’s better than we are---I don’t have an Ivy League education, but that sounds tough to do.
Stat2sf: That sounds about right.
Stat2sf’s Child: But Dad, so many parents of my teammates are going to come cheer us on. Isn’t it fun seeing us play, win or lose?
Stat2sf: No, Not really. Your team efficiency is only minimally improved, total possessions per game and points per possessions are lower. It’s probably going to be boring. I’ll tell the other parents it’s not even worth their time. If I repeat it enough times, maybe no one will go and then I won’t feel guilty about never attending.
[Some time later]
Stat2sf’s Spouse: There’s a tall guy at the door wearing a Penn cap; looks to be in his late 20’s. He didn’t give his full name, but his first name sounds like Bob. Says he wants to talk to you about stats and efficiency; says he was injured in school for years but persevered and worked and rehabbed so he could play. Even though you slammed into him and publicly cyberbullied him relentlessly based on his stats and your belief that you can trash college kids, even when he was not being paid and was just simply a student at your school, he enjoys your passion and doesn’t hold a grudge. And I heard he did great his senior year. Just wants to talk to you about your child, statistics, being a fan and cheering for games. Oh, and the dude’s got an impressive beard.
Stat2sf goes to his closet and puts on his Halloween mask, of course, a troll. He ignores the crimson shirt and the blue sweatshirt, but instead finds his black shirt with the orange stripes, and sneaks out the back door.
The End
Please note: any resemblance to real life people is purely a statistical anomaly.
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