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Username Post: all that happened (the play)        (Topic#20948)
The Quad 
Sophomore
Posts: 122

Reg: 12-16-04
01-10-18 02:11 PM - Post#242866    

A Day in the Life of Stat2sf’s Household (A Fictional Play)

Stat2sf’s Child: Dad, can you come see me play on my basketball team tonight? It’s our big rivalry game.
Stat2sf: No, not really. Based on last year’s statistics, your team can’t improve that much. Your team stinks.

Stat2sf’s Child: But Dad, we’ve been practicing hard and we have new plays set up. I think we have a shot at winning.
Stat2sf: Your team’s Kenpom ratings are only a little bit above last year’s. Not worth my time.

Stat2sf’s Child: But Dad, I worked out every day during the off-season. I think you’ll be proud of me.
Stat2sf: Sorry kid, I checked your ORATs, very little improvement. Your DRAT’s are even worse. I’m not going to go.

Stat2sf’s Child: We’re playing a good team, but we can do well.
Stat2f: If you win it’s only because the other team sucks

Stat2sf’s Child: Dad, it’s always this statistic or that obscure reason. You’re online so much---maybe if you practiced with me more, that would help. When was the last time you even attended one of my games?
Stat2sf: I last attended a game in college before we had advanced statistics. If I had known then what I know now, I probably would never have gone to a single game.

Stat2sf’s Child: So you’ll only be impressed and come see us if we are the best team in the league, rated high statistically and beat a league team that’s better than we are---I don’t have an Ivy League education, but that sounds tough to do.
Stat2sf: That sounds about right.

Stat2sf’s Child: But Dad, so many parents of my teammates are going to come cheer us on. Isn’t it fun seeing us play, win or lose?
Stat2sf: No, Not really. Your team efficiency is only minimally improved, total possessions per game and points per possessions are lower. It’s probably going to be boring. I’ll tell the other parents it’s not even worth their time. If I repeat it enough times, maybe no one will go and then I won’t feel guilty about never attending.

[Some time later]
Stat2sf’s Spouse: There’s a tall guy at the door wearing a Penn cap; looks to be in his late 20’s. He didn’t give his full name, but his first name sounds like Bob. Says he wants to talk to you about stats and efficiency; says he was injured in school for years but persevered and worked and rehabbed so he could play. Even though you slammed into him and publicly cyberbullied him relentlessly based on his stats and your belief that you can trash college kids, even when he was not being paid and was just simply a student at your school, he enjoys your passion and doesn’t hold a grudge. And I heard he did great his senior year. Just wants to talk to you about your child, statistics, being a fan and cheering for games. Oh, and the dude’s got an impressive beard.

Stat2sf goes to his closet and puts on his Halloween mask, of course, a troll. He ignores the crimson shirt and the blue sweatshirt, but instead finds his black shirt with the orange stripes, and sneaks out the back door.

The End
Please note: any resemblance to real life people is purely a statistical anomaly.


 
yoyo 
Junior
Posts: 209

Reg: 03-25-09
01-10-18 02:44 PM - Post#242876    
    In response to The Quad

A+

 
penn nation 
Professor
Posts: 11542

Reg: 12-02-04
01-10-18 02:59 PM - Post#242877    
    In response to yoyo

Has anyone ever seen The Quad and Silver Maple at the same time?

Asking for a friend.

 
Jeff2sf 
Postdoc
Posts: 3794

Reg: 11-22-04
01-10-18 03:08 PM - Post#242878    
    In response to penn nation

You know, the anti intellectualism that continues to exist on this board is tiresome but whatever.

What's actually insulting is the idea that i don't go/watch games. Analytics people love watching games, it's the whole point of being interested in the stats.

 
PennFan10 
PhD Student
Posts: 1847

Reg: 02-15-15
Re: all that happened (the play)
01-10-18 03:42 PM - Post#242884    
    In response to The Quad

Awesome, and you got a reply! Even awesomer...(I learned me some language as an inglish major at Penn.)

 
Penndemonium 
Masters Student
Posts: 776

Reg: 11-29-04
Re: all that happened (the play)
01-10-18 03:56 PM - Post#242891    
    In response to The Quad

While I generally don't enjoy posts where we are singling out each other, this was at least witty. It also could be the post of the year given the originality and effort.

  • The Quad Said:
A Day in the Life of Stat2sf’s Household (A Fictional Play)

Stat2sf’s Child: Dad, can you come see me play on my basketball team tonight? It’s our big rivalry game.
Stat2sf: No, not really. Based on last year’s statistics, your team can’t improve that much. Your team stinks.

Stat2sf’s Child: But Dad, we’ve been practicing hard and we have new plays set up. I think we have a shot at winning.
Stat2sf: Your team’s Kenpom ratings are only a little bit above last year’s. Not worth my time.

Stat2sf’s Child: But Dad, I worked out every day during the off-season. I think you’ll be proud of me.
Stat2sf: Sorry kid, I checked your ORATs, very little improvement. Your DRAT’s are even worse. I’m not going to go.

Stat2sf’s Child: We’re playing a good team, but we can do well.
Stat2f: If you win it’s only because the other team sucks

Stat2sf’s Child: Dad, it’s always this statistic or that obscure reason. You’re online so much---maybe if you practiced with me more, that would help. When was the last time you even attended one of my games?
Stat2sf: I last attended a game in college before we had advanced statistics. If I had known then what I know now, I probably would never have gone to a single game.

Stat2sf’s Child: So you’ll only be impressed and come see us if we are the best team in the league, rated high statistically and beat a league team that’s better than we are---I don’t have an Ivy League education, but that sounds tough to do.
Stat2sf: That sounds about right.

Stat2sf’s Child: But Dad, so many parents of my teammates are going to come cheer us on. Isn’t it fun seeing us play, win or lose?
Stat2sf: No, Not really. Your team efficiency is only minimally improved, total possessions per game and points per possessions are lower. It’s probably going to be boring. I’ll tell the other parents it’s not even worth their time. If I repeat it enough times, maybe no one will go and then I won’t feel guilty about never attending.

[Some time later]
Stat2sf’s Spouse: There’s a tall guy at the door wearing a Penn cap; looks to be in his late 20’s. He didn’t give his full name, but his first name sounds like Bob. Says he wants to talk to you about stats and efficiency; says he was injured in school for years but persevered and worked and rehabbed so he could play. Even though you slammed into him and publicly cyberbullied him relentlessly based on his stats and your belief that you can trash college kids, even when he was not being paid and was just simply a student at your school, he enjoys your passion and doesn’t hold a grudge. And I heard he did great his senior year. Just wants to talk to you about your child, statistics, being a fan and cheering for games. Oh, and the dude’s got an impressive beard.

Stat2sf goes to his closet and puts on his Halloween mask, of course, a troll. He ignores the crimson shirt and the blue sweatshirt, but instead finds his black shirt with the orange stripes, and sneaks out the back door.

The End
Please note: any resemblance to real life people is purely a statistical anomaly.





 
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